I wish I was this Motivated When I'm Sober

I get a few drinks in me and I start making plans. Often I start making plans to lie in bed the next day and then grab Chinese for dinner. More often, I get these wonderful inclinations to involve myself in all kinds of ambitious activities beyond those concerned with the standard hangover recovery procedure. Water skiing, road tripping, sky diving, maybe even a triathlon or something. At the time, they are the most awesome ideas ever. It’s not often that I actually follow through with any of these plans. In fact, most of the time, no one I made plans with even gets as call, it’s just mutually understood that it’s not going down. Every now and then, I act out of character and surprise even myself. That hasn’t happened recently but I think next time I get drunk I’m going to make some solid plans and stick with them. Maybe I’ll go spelunking or something.

For the first Monday in a long time, I can remember the entire evening. I got a decent buzz and left the bar early to go home and finish some work like a responsible sober adult. Instead, when I got home, I made sandwich and watched Magnum P.I. until I passed out on the floor in front of the TV. Magnum is the man. I figure it must be the stache ergo I don’t feel I need to explain mine. All I need now is a Ferrari, a friend with a helicopter and an estate on the beach where I can do my “job” from.

Tuesday made up for Monday. Papouli’s for dinner and then to the Tic Toc for half price wine. It was then that I came up with the great idea for half dressed/half price night. The idea is simple. Ladies will wear half the clothes they normally do and the guys will buy half of their drinks. Wait. I think that’s been going on for some time now. Ahh, forget it; at least Tuesdays I can still get my drinks half price without sacrificing my dignity. I had to walk past the hummingbird to get home but, uh, I had to stop inside to use the bathroom, yeah, that’s it’s…the bathroom. Two games of darts and half dozen drinks later, I was using the alley for a bathroom on the way home. Don’t judge; God said not to.

Thursday was softball. The rules are ridiculous. The count starts with one ball and one strike, the walks are counted as doubles, the games are played for one hour; if this isn’t meant for combining alcohol with, I don’t know what is. Thankfully, I’m not the only one with that sentiment and there were plenty of PBR pounders to keep my electrolytes refreshed and my head in the game. The score doesn’t matter in a game like this (unless we would have won) and it’s the team that really counts. Some of us went straight to the bar afterwards, others (you know who you are) went home to shower and change before meeting up with us. The plan was to grab some food at the Red Eye but since it was pretty late and the kitchen had already closed, we skipped straight to the pitchers. There’s nothing like drinking on an empty stomach. Seriously, it saves soooo much money. So does leaving a tab open at the bar, unfortunately both these things always seem to catch up with me later on.

Across the street at Bird I began to solicit my idea for a bathroom review column and website. It would be done like a restaurant critic would do a column on food, but ummm…without graphic descriptions about how things taste. Apparently, plenty of people liked the idea (or they did after a few shots) and it was agreed that in an effort to remain un-biased and objective, both the men’s and women’s rooms would have to be checked out. Well, you can guess what happened from there, and if you do, please let me know, because all I remember is falling down on my way home later on, and I was pushing my bike, so that must have taken a lot of effort or a whole lot more to drink.