Roast of The Regretted Tattoo

I am here today to roast and pay tribute to the past decisions that don't seem so wise when looked back upon, specifically, you, regretted tattoo.
Although all of us have, more than likely, made bad decisions and done some stupid things, the memories of these actions typically fade with time. Tattoos, however, remain as a permanent result of a temporary decision. Regretted tattoo, you walk down the halls of notoriety amongst the likes of Girls Gone Wild video tapes and late night drunk-dialed phone calls. No one has convinced the masses to do something so stupid since Los del Rio came out with the Macarena.
Whether it's the tramp stamp, the Panama City license plate or the Myrtle Beach message board; a tribal arm band or a cartoon character on the ankle, you are now a permanent fixture on the canvas of our bodies.
Spontaneity is exciting. Taking off for a weekend at the last minute, watching a movie you know nothing about, and calling in sick to work are examples of things many of us have found enjoyment in. Years later we have little more than the memories of such occasions. You do not fit in this category, regretted tattoo. Because like the after effects of war or the results of precarious sexual behavior, you remain as a vivid reminder that just because it seemed like an excellent idea at the time, it doesn't mean that it was.
Like Mt. Rushmore you have transformed a virgin landscape, equally as irreversible and yet so inversely admirable and respectable. You deserve props, regretted tattoo. Not only did you have the influence to convince someone to wear you forever, but you inspired them to look at what god made and say "ya know, this just isn't good enough the way it is, but add my beau's name and a tacky Chinese symbol, and it should be perfect!" Regretted Tattoo, you are a constant reminder to both those of us with your everlasting image on our skin and to those of us that see you immortalized on the flesh of others, that you will undoubtedly last longer than our spontaneous and fleeting impulses.
At times we will make decisions, both well thought out and spontaneous, that we inevitably come to regret later on. Your eternal image on our skin is a small price to pay for doing something stupid. You remind us that maybe, in ten years, we will have a dissimilar outlook. The experience we gain from mistakes that we have made catapults us forward. Poor decisions and bad choices teach us that we should take a step back to look at the big picture and anticipate the worst possible final results of our actions.
Although we may regret past decisions, unlike a bad drug habit or the nastiest results of Russian roulette, the everlasting mark of a poorly chosen tattoo is a fairly small price to pay for making an awful choice at one point in life. As tasteless and gauche as you appear on the outside, you are a valuable tool and a friend to those that don't even know you. You don't judge, you provide insight, and let's face it, you're extremely loyal.
Without mistakes, Columbus wouldn't have discovered America, we wouldn't have modern rubber or penicillin, and Cinderella never would have been reunited with her prince. You help us to reevaluate the choices we make, to consider the outcome, and to laugh at other people that so unfortunately are now the background to your mark. Thank you, regretted tattoo. The depravity your image projects lets us know that you truly are the antithesis of all good decisions ever made.